I was supposed to meet my coworkers for a work party at a hotel lobby but I was late because I was just So High™
so I showed up in sun glasses and a hoodie but nobody was there because all my coworkers got caught up in a sex trafficking scam and we all got arrested together.
friendly aggressive reminder that the “mmm whatcha say” chorus was written by imogen heap for a song of her own that came out in 2005, and jason derulo both named his own song after the chorus he sampled from her and improperly credited her in 2009.
mmm whatcha say was written by a female artist and taken by jason derulo and now he gets credit for it. pls reblog bc not enough people know this. the original song is called hide and seek
it is also a singularly beautiful song, head’s up
Worth mentioning, “Hide and Seek” is an abstract story of a girl reflecting on her parent’s divorce and how it changed her life, while “Whatcha Say” is about a guy who cheated on his girlfriend and is trying to convince her to stay with him anyway.
Alien: So I have been contemplating your countries and where you choose to live… And I have a few questions.
Human: Alright, I don’t see why you have any questions. It’s normal now.
Alien: On the planet of Aspapus, we only have 3 of 148 areas we can safely live. Several being either unable to produce any vegetation for harvesting, and others unable to support life at all. I know that humans have areas like this as well, so why do you choose to continue to live in these places.
Human: Well, places like Deserts I think used to be like rainforest’s, I can’t remember I fell asleep in that class, and used to be able to keep people alive and well. Although there is like… One place that everyone knows not to mess with, Antarctica, that place is already being ruled over by the Penguins, whales, and sea birds. So we do not want to anger our Animal overlords.
Alien: You are…. That was…. Was that a human joke?
Help our legally blind friend get her brain MRI scan.
Hello! This is a Donation Post. Our friend is legally blind after suffering a brain injury. She has been eligible for social security disability benefits but it’s not enough to cover all the medical costs as well as her and her family’s basic needs (she had been her family’s breadwinner).
Sadly she wasn’t eligible for the full benefits because her contributions did not reach the minimum number of monthly contributions to qualify for the full benefits. So she only gets partial and it helps but not enough.
She needs $780 for her brain MRI this June 28 2018 (her yearly routine scan to check the condition of her brain).. Right now she has $450 on hand.
So we are raising $330
If anyone is willing and able to lend a hand, you can donate to her PayPal account:
charliesgubin@yahoo.com
Please boost/reblog this post. Thank you!
Update as of June 22 2018:
$0/$330
Thank you to everyone who Reblogged. Your kindness is very nuch appreciated. Please do continue boosting this post so we could reach the target. Thank you so much!
Update as of June 23 2018
$0/$330
Please donate and help boost this post please. So grateful for all the reblogs and hoping for generous and kind people to lend a hand financially. Thank you so much!
When I was growing up any time my brother upset/hurt/was rude to or downright nasty to me I was told “he’s just doing it to get a rise out of you” “he’s just doing it to annoy you”
Like??? I know?? I know he’s being mean to upset me. I know he’s saying horrible stuff to annoy me. And guess what?? I’m annoyed!!!!
I was literally told not to be upset, because his intentions were to upset me????
How is that not upsetting? Especially to a young girl??
THE GASLIGHTING STARTS EARLY.
“Sweetheart, its easier for you to just bear it than it is for us to teach him to stop. Mkay?”
You ever think about how wild it is to be in college. Like I feel like I Astro-project (for lack of a better word) sometimes when I realize this isn’t like what I saw in tv and movies
I was a blank slate. The only thing I expected was a random roommate and ours were hand picked like a dating site
If the players need to know/find something to advance the plot, it should not require a skill check
If the players need to know/find something to advance the plot, but roll poorly on the skill check, include some complication in the process, but still have them find it in the end.
I hit my knee against a table and it hurt like hell, but I was in a hurry so I just rubbed it off you know. While I was on my way to the beach, everyone was looking at me *btw I was panicking cause I thought I had something on my face* When I got to the beach where my friend was waiting for me, she told me my knee was bleeding *I was actually pleased it was that and not that I had something on my face lol*
Isn’t horrible when you hit your hip with the table? Or Oh, the pinky toe. That is a suffering which I don’t wish upon ANYONE.
I just can’t believe that I DIDN’T NOTICE, and then it got me thinking, how humans can ignore pain. Like it must be a survival trait we developed through our existence to survive in extreme cases.
Just imagine aliens being like HOW THE HELL DID YOU NOT NOTICE YOU WERE BLEEDING!? and I can’t stop laughing.
Or worse, imagine they could feel your pain in a more intense way since some of us if not most have developed to feel less pain.
*———————*
He felt it. The sharp pain lanced through his head and colorful spots flashed in front of his four eyes. The pain spread through his body, feeling a wave of agony. Then he saw the Human.
She was biting her lips, making it look she was trying to keep a cry out. Taking a closer look, she had a nasty cut on her ankle. She shrugged it off and continued to shuffle past the crew. Terric would think she would head to the medical room, but instead she was heading the opposite direction. -She would have to take care of it before it was too late that they would have to cut it off…or even worse..that she could die- *he thought*
“Human-Sasha!”
“Yes, Terr?” she answered him.
“Why aren’t you heading to get medical attention?” he said concerned for her.
Human-Sasha looked very confused, as if she had no idea what Terric meant. She had to know, right?
“You’re bleeding!” he cried out. Scared for her survival.
“Oh shit, I didn’t notice.” she mumbled, looking at her ankle.
“You didn’t notice..? But didn’t it hurt?”
“Oh it did. But I guess..how would you say it….we humans can ignore pain in some cases if our mind is somewhere else.”
“I wasn’t aware humans had superpowers…” he said in a very serious manner.
Human-Sarah ‘laughed’ out loud, making it look she was choking. Terric would never understand how that could show amusement in their kind.
“No”-she blurted out while laughing- “I assume humans have developed over the years to withhold pain in extreme cases, to guarantee our survival.”
Terric was horrified. He would have to update the human manual.
Most animals on earth are capable of reproducing until they die.
The animal kingdom is full of strange reproductive strategies, but when it comes to menopause, humans are among the weirdest. In just three species on the planet — humans, killer whales and pilot whales — do females routinely stop breeding years before the end of their lives. Human women spend about a third of their life span after menopause.
Menopause is the time in most women’s lives when menstrual periods stop permanently, and they are no longer able to bear children.
Many species become less fertile as they age. For instance, female chimpanzees experience declining fertility rates from their early 30s onward until their reproductive chances reach zero around age 45. What makes humans and some whales different is that they carry on living and surviving with good odds for so long after menopause, whereas chimpanzees and other animals rarely survive much beyond the point where their eggs run out, even in captivity.
So, if aliens follow the pattern of the majority of life on earth they too will be able to basically reproduce until they’re shortly about to pass of natural causes.
Someone write about those poor aliens freaking out when they learn their female crewmember they’ve known for years, who seems so young, it no longer able to bear children and is surely going to die soon!
*********
Sarah stared at her shipmates, especially Grth'x, who had moved to the cover of the room and was chanting under his breath while rocking backand forth rhythically. “Why is Grthx starting the ‘Chant of mourning?’”
Chizzik placed a tarsel claw on Sarah’s shoulder in the show of human sympathy, “Because he loves you Human-Sarah. We all do, we shall miss you greatly.”
Sarah stared at them, “The fuck? I’m not going anywhere.”
This seemed to be the wrong thing to say, Grth'x started chanting a little louder.
Chizzik started making a whining noise by rubbing the plates of her thorax; the cry of distress, the equivalent of crying to her species. “Human-Sarah, I know you humans are a stubborn race, but you must face reality. You are no longer able to bare children, your life is coming to an end.”
Sarah slapped away Chizzik’s claw, “Fuck off. Having kids isn’t the be-all and end-all of a woman’s life. Life isn’t over just cause I can’t have kids.”
Chizzik almost admired the strength of human denial. It was the trait which had made them survive their deathworld. When even their own planet was telling them “You can’t” they were pushing ahead shouting the phrase “Watch me!” But there was surely no denying it now.
“I know it may not be easy to accept. I thought humans were a long lived race, you seem so young,”
Sarah hit a fist onto the table “Damn right! I’m 49, not even middle age. You’re not getting rid of me that easily. I’ve got another 50 years, at least.”
Chizzik looked confused. “But, your fertility, it has ended. When a life-form is no longer able to bear children, it is a undeniable sign that their bodies are shutting down, their life is ending.”
“What?” Sarah stared at Chizzik and the, still chanting, Grth'x, understanding -albeit a confused understanding- was starting to dawn on her. “Not for humans it isn’t. Menopause doesn’t mean our life is ending. Watch me, I’m just getting started.”
Grth'x stopped chanting at looked at Sarah with a confused exression that matched Chizzik’s own. “What is Menno-Pause?
Sarah stared at her two friends and sighed with resignation. This was going to be one of those things that would end up in the human guide book, she just knew it.
We are the only species that WILLINGLY delays sleep, whether it be studying for a test, binge watching a TV series, partying, or just because we can. Some people even train their bodies to run on less sleep, we willing deprive ourselves of a necessity, and for what? Bragging rights mostly. Can you imagine an alien coming across a sleep-deprived human?
Smash or pass: the sexy tuna guy from the starkist cans
Fuck marry kill: green giant, sexy tuna, mr clean
You are NOT allowed to kill mr clean
This is obvious, kill the sexy tuna because that’s just weird, fuck Mr clean because he’s ripped and you know you won’t catch anything, now here you might think marry Mr clean because he’ll clean the house, but no, his cleanliness standards would be unbearable.
marry the green giant, making you basically a pagan god through marriage, and he can probably make vegetables grow using magic and as a vegan I need that, dick probably too big to do anything with but like, pagan marriages can be poly I think
I want you to know you are so powerful to be able to begin with “this is obvious”
This be a mighty fine post but isn’t mr.clean openly sex-repulsed?
i spent christmas alone while my family got together and fought, and honestly i feel so good about this
i bought myself presents, cooked a big meal, drank wine and watched Home Alone 3 w/ my dog. I don’t feel sorry for myself at all.
meanwhile my sister threatened to disown my dad so he threatened to disown her, while my mom enabled and my other sister downed a bottle of wine to deal.
on the other side of the country, i was busy discovering, to my delight, that the that the 3rd installment of the Home Alone franchise not only stood up to the test of time, but contains some of the best oneliners and comedic timing I have ever seen.
honestly, keep toxic people out of your life. family isn’t everything, and bad family is often worse than no family. don’t be afraid to put in some distance, especially during high stress times like the holidays. you don’t actually owe them anything.
being alone for the holidays is so much better than being with people who make you unhappy.
I have to check the bathroom every time I go to make sure there are no freakin huge spiders in there!!
Course I go in there…stupid freakin huge spider just hanging out on the wall!! So I then have to scream and run out of the bathroom…hinge in my leg brace decided that was the time to catch and I nearly fell on my face.
I hate spiders.
I hate summer.
I had a fly in my apartment for three days.
Now that’s annoying – I tried so hard to kill it and guess what? IT KEPT GETTING AWAY.
when you buy shit from amazon and get pisst off that it doesnt get there fast enough i want you to think about norman reedus crawling through the field of fetus demons with a crying baby on his chest…that’s the sacrifice the mailmen make to bring you your fucking gamer mouse
When I was two or three years old, I woke up in the middle of the night and asked my grandmother for some hot milk. She was nowhere to be found, so I decided to check the backyard, where I only found three witches. I asked them if they knew where my grandmother was, and they responded by violently tickling me until I ran out of breath and died. In heaven, I was greeted by a fourth witch, who also tickled me mercilessly, the pearly gates melting behind her.
